Silver Linings

“There are always flowers for those who choose to see them.”     

Henri Matisse

A month ago today I turned 47. On vacation in the Wasatch mountains of Utah, I skied underneath magical bluebird skies, enjoying the sun on my face, the crisp and delicious mountain air on my skin, and the giggling company of my family on the chairlift and around the dinner table. I was full of excitement and curiosity for what the next year of life would bring and full of gratitude.

Today, life certainly looks and feels quite different. Social distancing has massively disrupted my (and my husband’s) ability to earn a living; I have family members who are especially vulnerable should they become ill; my kids are home-schooling for the unforeseeable future. Last but not least, I’m a hug-loving extrovert trying to feed my need for human connection through Zoom, FaceTime and across the road hellos during the many walks I take each day to clear my head.  The steady stream of upsetting news and social media posts only increases the anxiety and fear many of us feel in response to the pandemic.

If I had a magic wand, I would wave it wildly to bring us back to a more normal existence.

In my work at Connection 101, we rely on evidence-based research by experts in positive psychology, among others, to inform our framework for strengthening human connections. Through research by The VIA Institute, we know that people who focus on using their “highest character strengths” live healthier, more productive and satisfying lives. 

So I may not have a magic wand… but I do have a powerful foil to the anxiety and panic around us. And that is hope. For me, the character strength of  “hope” is second only to love of learning. (If you’re curious about your unique strengths, check out the free VIA Survey here.) My hopeful mindset empowers me with the ability to find silver linings and new opportunities for innovation and creativity amidst difficult and challenging situations. All of us possess the strength of hope, even those of us who have it as a lesser strength versus a signature one. In that spirit, here are some of the bright spots I’m focused on today:

The pandemic: From Science magazine, 2.26.20:

“This is a very different experience from any outbreak that I’ve been a part of,” says epidemiologist Marc Lipsitch of the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. The intense communication has catalyzed an unusual level of collaboration among scientists that, combined with scientific advances, has enabled research to move faster than during any previous outbreak. “An unprecedented amount of knowledge has been generated in 6 weeks,” says Jeremy Farrar, head of the Wellcome Trust.

Preprint servers are facilitating the sharing of data and research across the science community -- instead of waiting for research to be approved and published in a journal, it can be reflected on, collaborated on, and acted on in real-time… by scientists in labs across the world, instead of across the hall. This increased cross-cultural communication and collaboration will fuel the “edge effect” -- as shared in a wonderful podcast from NPR’s The Hidden Brain in 2018. In music, in science, in education, in food -- when cultures meet at the “edges” there is increased opportunity for creative and innovative outcomes to be born. Play some music from the Silk Road Ensemble on your next walk to enjoy the melodic benefits of the edge effect.

Education: Lots of people, including me, are talking about how the pandemic will influence the adoption of online education. (PS I’m a huge fan — I’m a proud Ed.D. student at Peabody (Vanderbilt) Online). Yet I’m curious about another opportunity for creative disruption to change the future.

In 1983, US News began ranking colleges and universities about the quality of the educational experience they provide. Student selectivity, which makes up 10 - 12.5% of the US News rankings in any given year, relies on student grades and standardized test scores. This pushes schools to seek students with high scores to enhance their rank, which then lead to more quality applicants, higher alumni donations, better faculty recruiting and stronger student career placement at desirable firms. It’s a vicious circle. 

During a conversation with my friend Peter M. last night, we wondered if the forced shutdown of standardized testing facilities will finally push schools to waive these tests as a requirement for applications. In my almost fifteen years working in higher education, I’ve had more conversations than I can count with administrators from schools across the ecosystem about the many downsides standardized tests create in the admissions process, not to mention the questions around whether or not standardized tests are an accurate predictor of student success to begin with. 

I see a potential bright spot that Covid-19 can fuel -- colleges and universities can use this challenging time to release themselves from the constraints that scores and rankings put on their process, and find more tangible and creative ways to identify the strongest candidates. Last year’s admissions scandal started to push this issue -- perhaps we will finally see the boulder of standardized tests roll down the other side of the admissions mountain for good.

Family: I so appreciate how many of my friends, colleagues, and classmates are juggling enormous stress in their home and work lives to make it through. As I work to creatively find new ways to supplement our family income given the unexpected jolt to our finances, I’m also grateful for the opportunity to be present for my children and husband in a way I would not have been were this spring of 2019.  As we settle into a slower rhythm that includes many more hours of time together, we are building new habits and working as a more cohesive unit. Chores are far more fun when the whole family takes thirty minutes together after breakfast to complete daily tasks. Long walks with our beloved dog, Morey, allow us to fully absorb the gradual start-stop-start movement we are making toward spring in Vermont (50 degrees and sunny yesterday -- 30 degrees and snowing today). Family dinners end with a round of “attitude of gratitude” where we collectively reflect on and share the things we are grateful for from that day. As I fervently hope for swift resolution of this scary time of uncertainty, I also hope these new family rhythms remain with us when we return to a more normal sense of being.

Self: Over the last two years, I’ve gone in and out of establishing a meditation practice to quiet my mind and to more fully focus on the present. One of the challenges of my hopeful mindset is I’m often so focused on the future I forget to appreciate the present moment fully and deeply. I recently listened to Dan Harris’ book 10% Happier -- and for whatever reason, his skeptic-turned-advocate path to embrace meditation resonated with me, and I’m finding the current situation helpful in maintaining attempts to make meditation a daily habit. Those ten minutes are an oasis from the steady drumbeat of thoughts pulsating through my brain.

Finally, in this hour of social distancing, I’m joyfully embracing newly-discovered solo time and mental space to begin a blog. I love to write -- in my twenties, my friends eagerly awaited my often funny, sometimes heart-tugging email chronicles of blind dates gone bad. As a forty-something, my emails have evolved -- I now share stories about the ups-and-downs of motherhood, marriage and women’s leadership, with a dash of good humor and favorite podcasts, articles and recipes thrown in. These same friends have encouraged me over the years to share my perspective more broadly via a blog, and so here we are. As a “human Venn diagram” of interests (more on that in a future post!), I’ll share everything from my perspectives on higher education and innovation, to podcasts, articles, recipes, music and books that inspire me, to thoughts on leadership and gender. 

I’ll close this first post with an invitation to you -- will you please share the silver linings and bright spots you are seeing in the world around you? And embrace your own strength of hope by setting a new goal that you would like to accomplish. It need not be large -- it might be as simple as “take a 20-minute walk every day” or “eat green vegetables at two meals every day.” Write the goal down, and use hopeful thinking to describe three tangible actions you will take to realize your goal. Add a few lines about why you believe in your ability to be successful. Voila! Hope is alive and breathing, in you, and the world around us.

Thank you for joining me -- may you and your loved ones stay safe, healthy and hopeful in the days and weeks ahead. Until next time.